One

My father, Gregory John Entwistle, was diagnosed with advanced esophageal cancer in September 2013. Five months later, on February 12, 2014, he was gone.

Today is the one year anniversary of his passing and I have waited for this day with such dread. I asked friends for support and prayers. I anxiously tried to write a post that would honor him and the past year we’ve spent without him. I drank a little too much wine. I cried a little (or a lot). And then this morning, I woke up.

And it was just another day.

I’m not sure what I expected. I guess I thought I would wake up to a giant wave of grief, a new and sudden avalanche of feelings because ONE YEAR. ONE. It feels like such a big milestone, but if you get down to the heart of the matter, things are still the same now as they were right after he passed. Six months after he passed. Yesterday. I still miss him. I still feel like something so big is missing from our lives. I still think about him every day. I still teeter on the edge of anger. Still look for reason or meaning behind the early passing of such a good, kind man. I still wish that things were different.

But they are not. They are not different and he is not here.

One year hasn’t changed anything. It’s just another day.

Another day that I miss you, Daddy. So, so much.

0769BR

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One thought on “One

  1. Liz says:

    Liz, it is so true as it will never change for you sadly. I remember April 10, 1999 as the day my life as I knew it forever changed. Every April 10th I try tondo something in remembrance of my dad. And I always honor his birthday with a dessert in honor of his love for chocolate! Do things like this to always remember and honor him and he will be “alive” in your kids’ hearts. I was just remembering today that his funeral was at this time last year. You can honor him with love since he passed close to Val Day! Your kids are fortunate to have known him but just always do something that he would have enjoyed or eat something he loved as a remembrance to him. It will make you feel better I promise! It may hurt a little but it will make you smile too!!
    Hugs!
    Liz

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