So, I’m an unpublished author. That means, I write, and I write, and I cry into my coffee and I edit (a lot) and then I write some more. And no one gives me any money for it, because advances are for Kardashians and presidents. But I love it, so I keep at it. It’s fun, and exciting. And yet, there are certain times when being unpublished is just the absolute worst.

Like when…

People ask you what you do. And you say you are writing a book. Trust me on this. They will immediately avoid eye contact, make a polite noise and then change the subject. To something awful, like the weather. Or the video of the dog riding the Zoomba they saw yesterday. The odd person will actually ask what it is about, but before you finish your 30-second pitch, they will have moved on to how their sister’s cousin wrote a book and it is being turned into a Hollywood blockbuster. And then they might muse that THEY always wanted to write a book. Maybe they will just whip one out so they can get a movie deal. Which will make you, the unpublished author, struggle to keep  your head from exploding.

Like when…

You read an article about how bookstores are becoming obsolete. Which leads to utter (and, irrational) panic over whether or not you will ever get a book published in time to actually see it on a shelf in a physical store. Which might lead to elaborate, and slightly premature, planning of an Amazon Warehouse break-in that includes bookcases, product display work and flash photography/selfies. All while you really should just be trying to finish writing the damn book in the first place. #priorities

Like when…

You meet published authors, who are so totally nice and supportive but realistic. And they tell you how it took them TWELVE YEARS to get an agent, and you die a little inside because TWELVE YEARS. *sob*

Like when…

You know that having an online presence is so totally important to getting an agent or book deal, so you have to put together an author website and a twitter account and a Facebook page and yet YOU HAVE NO BOOKS. NO. BOOKS. So you try and tweet cool book-type things and make friends with actual successful (published) writers and yet, still. NO. BOOKS. You will feel like the ultimate imposter. Just be cool. Be cool. Maybe no one will notice. BUUUUUUT don’t forget to hashtag it all. #amwriting #amediting

Speaking of… you’ll have to excuse me. I’m going to go tweet this now.